and now I can get back to studying board shapes
May 25, 2009, 11:51 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags:

Today I was informally offered a job. Cash conversations Wednesday. I wish I had been less of a wuss about the process because then I would be able to tell a magical story of asking what I wanted for and getting it as though it were that simple and I was that fearless.

On the upside, the next financial arrangement should clear all my student loans, puts me in the same city as El Novio and is cool with my taking three (likely three and a half) months off in the process.


points of reference
May 25, 2009, 1:39 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

The work of the world is common as mud.
Botched, it smears the hands, crumbles to dust.
But the thing worth doing well done
has a shape that satisfies, clean and evident.
Greek amphoras for wine or oil,
Hopi vases that held corn, are put in museums
but you know they were made to be used.
The pitcher cries for water to carry
and a person for work that is real.
marge piercy, to be of use

I have to leave for work in 50 minutes. So far I have made oatmeal and showered.

This weekend I was out with a bunch of people I graduated with. I looked around. This year has aged people in a way school never did. The money’s not great and the thanks are few. Someone at the office shows me facial hair loss, crop circle patterns, resulting from stress.

Yesterday I was cleaning and packing [life theme]. I pulled out an album and handed it to E.Nov.

“I don’t remember you wearing those gloves to graduation,” he said.

“That’s because it was my graduation from high school.”

Inside there were also pictures from when I was fifteen. I more or less look the same but gave up the Dawson’s Creek unflattering jeans about half a decade ago.

One of my best friends from school, newly divorced, is quitting his big corporate gig and moving to T.O., likely to live with my other best friend from school who is moving there for work. They’ll do at least one year, his sights are set on NYC I think.

I really like the work. Because now the point is coming where I will choose to stay or go. There are no contracts anymore, no binding commitments. I really like the work but I don’t want to be old before my time for the sake of something fairly irrelevant. Finding a place to work will be difficult because this is an unfortunately novel sentiment. And, because for me the work is about craft rather than ego. I want to stay away from the ego portion, from having something to prove, from measuring and pissing contests.

I ask for letters of reference. Preparation for something I don’t really know about yet.

be cool
May 21, 2009, 4:13 am
Filed under: Uncategorized

I understand strategy very well, I’m just not very strategic. Cruel irony?

This weekend it sets in: all the eggs are sort of in one ill formed hasty basket. Within about a week I should know what lies in store. Subconscious sabotage, maybe, an excuse to do something else. Which occurs today when P-izzle asks if I’ve got a job yet, and I say “no” and he says “ahh. Being picky, hm?”

If by picky you mean only actually formally applying at one place in a haphazard way that looks shady due to timing then, well, yes. Picky am I.

There are strings that could be pulled and calls that could be made but haven’t been. Crap, I haven’t even tried the traditional route! Normally you are supposed to have reasons for your position before making white glove requests, dire straits.

El Novio thinks I should just go to the city he thinks he will end up in and look for work because part of the problem is a resume that screams “flight risk.” At least once a week people murmur about my ‘qualifications’ and how they ‘had a friend who worked where you did.’

But if the plan was a year apart then I’d pick somewhere different [read: coastal] and do a zero funding gig and wear birkenstocks to the office [okay, maybe not].

I think it set in when it became clear: I don’t even actually know where to look for work, like where I might find postings if this is an eleventh hour and I should be applying. Yes, that is how deeply invested I am in the process.

I wish I did not find this predicament hilarious and instead was sobered by these revelations but, alas, that is not the case. So within the next seven days it will likely be revealed whether I am out on the street. Stay tuned!

long weekend
May 19, 2009, 3:58 am
Filed under: runaway

So close. Everything seen is “am I going to bring that?” and vague chills of this being kamikaze bubble around my shoulders. Maybe I’m getting too old for this, a lot of people I know are buying homes/baby poppin’/getting serrrrious about careers.

The feeling of possible oldness is the number one reason to do something.

I guess if I could let you in on a secret it would be: I really like cooking for someone. There’s always that concern about placating and subjugation and other messes. F-it. One capacity does not negate the other, a fine pork chop does not a demeaned intellectual ability belie. P.s. I like small children, too.

And in these small moments I begin to have the life I had wished someone made for me and it is no less good making it for myself

she said I don’t mind, I don’t want to get bored / I don’t want to end up beached on this shore
May 17, 2009, 5:51 pm
Filed under: waves

Myles Estey wrote an article in sbc surf about tree planting to be able to relocate to consistent waves.

I have eight more days of work. Nine if you count the day where I clean out my office and tell the new kids what’s what (or not).

Yesterday was uncomfortable because all of these clothes didn’t match so well. The pants were too conservative, the shirt belonged in a dorm, the shoes were skate. An exercise in the in between.

Someone tried to sell me skinny jeans. But I’ve already had that for three years and the fact is a broke down pair of wranglers serve me better than elastane blends and temporary solutions.

But Saturday a band with hand drawn disc covers brought Montreal to the bar and I was dancing with a bunch of surgeons who live in the in between until the early morning; we all pretend to be something else in the off hours and maybe we can cancel all attempts at reconciliation.

May 13, 2009, 2:43 am
Filed under: nomadisms, runaway

Score: discovered SBC Surf hiding in the bottom of the convenience store rack in the middle of nowhere, waiting, WAITING for me to read it all in one sitting. How it found it’s way so far inland is a great mystery.

Explaining how I don’t have a fixed address and I need it forwarded to the permanent, more or less, mailing address within three weeks because otherwise there’s no way to get it because I’m going to be wandering around Southern Africa for a few months (maybe more) is always a good mid-afternoon conversation with someone at a call center.

Getting ready to go feels like it should be panic but it’s not. I haven’t packed but my passport and spare credit cards are tuned up and everything else is details. I’m thinking of going entirely carry-on for ease and security but need an appropriate bag (no rollies). I’m most concerned about a lack of relative fitness and how many pains I should be taking to avoid sun damage and the disuse of the long board in the garage and how many books to take.

My itineraries are equally well thought out, including such expressions as “I’d like a beachy first week” and random bus schedules on misused yellow pads and addresses and emergency collect numbers.

I don’t see how this can possibly go wrong.

Dar es
May 12, 2009, 4:34 am
Filed under: runaway, waves

I got a random message today.

Hey I’m in Dar es Salaam. Can’t surf, too flat, just diving, but deep Africa is cool

Which is funny because he doesn’t know I’m back in Africa in three weeks. Fate? Remember fate? It’s been a minute.

Work is going. No contract or commitments yet, but not much game playing either, so it’s not a bad place to show up every day. I think, maybe tomorrow, I’m going to apply one other place and see if I can get an offer at which point I’ll say “so I have this offer, do you want to make me one?” and pick A or B and put myself in a position to have an income again in the Fall. Because it’s easier to drop bank on a three month surf trip if you have a job to come back to, maybe.

Two weeks, six days, twelve hours and this year is done and I’m at a threshold of twenty five and a half years old.