Underthecurrent


dot C.O. dot Z.A.
January 24, 2010, 6:00 pm
Filed under: Uncategorized

This morning I woke up wondering if I’d have regrets leaving what could be a lucrative proposition if I stuck it out for about five more years. I think part of this comes from having worked a lot of jobs for virtually nothing combined with calculations about what I can possibly save by the time I plan to leave, which feels incredibly long in terms of life and incredibly short in terms of being able to make sure I have enough to survive on.

I came up with two conclusions.

(1) If I disappear until I’m 30, reappear and start working again, I still have 35 years at least to attain the kind of traditionally described success everyone gets all wound up about. If I can’t do it in 35 years I shouldn’t be doing it. If I can’t do it in ten years I shouldn’t be doing it.

(2) I would have far more questions about what life could have been like if I stay. Whether my body and my family would be healthier, whether I could use the skills I have to do something that feels more interesting a productive, whether I could ever develop a really solid bottom turn. Staying effectively destroys the opportunity to pursue any and all of these goals, year by year.

This really isn’t a revalation as one of my friends just quit the biz for at least three years to teach English in an undisclosed but awesome location, but I guess planning to leave is a process of slow-working through things in my head. Maybe there’s too much time, maybe I’m the kind who needs this stuff answered.

The radio streaming just turned on to a mashup involving a lot of Toto’s Africa. Yes, yes yes.

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