Underthecurrent


April 30th.
May 1, 2010, 2:10 am
Filed under: insight, nomadisms

Last night was feverish so I skipped work today. Sometimes it feels mentally good to not be at work when it seems everyone else is.

Taxes, filed. This is my second year doing my own. I wouldn’t do my own if I generated income independent from my jobs and/or had non employment mandatory investments and/or had children, but the fact is, my whole return is less than ten slips of paper and I sort of like understanding taxes, on principle. I don’t understand investments fully yet, but I haven’t had to given a net worth in the red for the past couple of years, addressing the woe that is Canadian student loans. The only saving grace has been having said loans during a ridiculously low-interest period, possibly the best time to owe money ever.

I was thinking. About the question, what will you do now? Quitting may seem overly hedonistic, like frittering away the chance at a comfortable retirement for the sake of beaches and beer. Or like a symptom of Gen-Y burn out. It’s not that I don’t know what I want to do with my life, it’s that I can absolutely see so many possible options, I don’t want to sit on one merely because it’s safe (and will provide A Chance At A Comfortable Retirement!). I’m, frankly, young and unburdened enough to take a risk and quit, and see if anything else comes up, and test out new things, and see if my skill set applies elsewhere, and see if I can reframe my own life and build something I really love.

More importantly, I’m young enough to fail.

I’m not burnt out. If it came down to it, I could do this ten years or forever, find an area of it that felt comfortable, engage and pursue. Put together success, piece by piece. That much is apparent. (Yesterday I was at an event and I could tell I was being checked out by the competition, solicited just a bit, which feels good like getting asked to dance by a handsome stranger even though you have a longstanding boyfriend).

But what if there’s something else out there? The same way I had to see this through to know I could do it, I need to know this. I’m just too frustratingly… curious.

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