Underthecurrent


The One Where I’m Slowly Planning To Quit
April 27, 2015, 10:27 pm
Filed under: when I grow up | Tags: ,

A month ago I had been reading this photo diary about trekking in Nepal, one of the first travel pieces in awhile that made somewhere, anywhere, seem new… funny, given Kathmandu is part of a well worn trail.  And then there was this earthquake, and now these supernatural places that had been vividly bouncing in my imagination are crumpled; so many people dead.

The news is a good way to make today’s work seem inconsequential.  Drops within drops in the ocean.  Because somewhere, something is happening that is stopping everything there.

This is a particular problem if you work in white collar computer land, where vast amounts of effort and mental energy are expended towards almost intangible things.  At best, an end product will be translated into Paperwork.  Which will be shredded, or worse, filed/stored ‘just in case’, like a squirrel frantically hiding acorns for a winter that probably isn’t coming.  You are worried about a deadline, which was set arbitrarily, or some goal point, which is really the accumulation of sufficient intangibles to qualify as ‘productive’.

This job is like selling drugs.

I knew I wanted out when I quit the first time, a few years ago, but when it came down to it – it was the best way I knew to make money fast.  Like selling drugs, the money is generally not quite as good as people think it is.  But the money is kind of good, and you do get the keys to the kingdom, and a lot of people probably stay in the game far too long for those reasons.

I don’t hate work, generally.  For awhile I was afraid that I just didn’t like working full time, that there was something deficient in me that needed to be fixed through one thousand atonements to the holy Protestant work ethic.  But no.  It’s this specifically, this and me, we don’t mix well, at all.  The incompatibilities are more than the above, and I’m greatful for them, because it makes the decision making a hell of a lot easier.

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