Underthecurrent

Sometimes I imagine what the conversation would be like… hey here’s every time you have screwed me over, you thought I didn’t know? Listing off every infraction, every time I bit the inside of my cheek, every time I went home and sighed what an ass.

And then I think: no, calm down, be smart.  Wait.  Focus and wait.  Steer towards a different plan.  Act out of strategy, not emotion. List the pros and cons.  Not the idealistic version, where everything is as it should be, rather the best and worst case versions.  Set up to win.

I think about just going with it.  It would be easier if it looked like a shorter time, just coasting to the end, playing along.  But right now the future stretches out like some distant thing that will never exist, as though at the end of the road the horizon will just drop into blackness.

Anyways, I have been watching Bachelor in Paradise, which is basically the franchise parodying itself.  So meta.  This week we learned that the B-team, meaning anyone who Lost the Bachelor(ette) but Won at love in some later incarnation only qualifies for a wedding officiated by Chris Harrison and attended by fellow B-teamers in beach gear.  Once you’re out of the fifedom, you are basically a romance peasant, scratching at the Neil Lane seeds tossed your way once per year, I guess.