Underthecurrent


lowered blood pressure
October 24, 2016, 4:54 am
Filed under: hypochondria, Uncategorized

Yesterday I fainted.  On a sidewalk, a gross one.

Luckily, not alone. Not smashing the old face, or doing discernible damage.  Not in the rain.



You Don’t Need That Anyways
April 21, 2015, 10:20 pm
Filed under: hypochondria | Tags:

Rest, ice, compression, elevation.

Bodies send wake-ups via injury: you are tired, you are not fit.  This one was loose knees popping free at the first chance, of course when staying somewhere with 40 feet of precarious stairs, of course an hour driving from the beach where the ligament(s) blew out.  You may as well stop at the fish and chip truck, so we did.

Slow down, it said, and fix yourself.

Crutches feel silly.  They draw attention in public.

The good thing about the end of the world is that suffering will end!” the Jehovah’s witness projects, right at me, outside the clinic, at 8:41 am, after an hour and a half of slow pedals and mysterious machines.

Do you need any help?” a man with urine on the front of his pants, and stubble on his face, says between transit transfers.

The worst part was thinking about things not yet done.  Wake up.  Or not being able to do other things again.  Anything can happen, a small thing, a big thing, and the options can change.

The surgeon says the letters we had guessed at anyways, A C L.  His trainee tells me about a bone fragment they can see on the x-ray, floating around where the ACL should be.  He doesn’t pull the surgery scheduling trigger or rush an MRI, rather wait and see if it’s even necessary, it’s not necessary for everyone.



About Not Being Sick (anymore)
June 15, 2011, 1:58 pm
Filed under: hypochondria

I don’t know if it’s not being sick all the time anymore, or leaving work, or being with LG, or leaving certain aspects of North American society, or even taking vitamins; there are too many variables. But my thought process has changed, my brain is different now, I like it better. This isn’t an allusion to depression, it’s just a difficult-to explain-insight.

Being sick all the time. Looking back, my immune system is a complicated thing that I did my best to ignore until things started to go seriously off the wall. This may make me sound like a loon but I’m pretty sure I can’t handle most shared central heating and cooling systems. I first figured this out in a house where the heating ducts were disgusting and I began to get unexplained skin problems and constant respiratory illnesses. They allergy tested me and could find nothing compelling, but I moved out and things improved (enough).

For brevity’s sake, fast forward to 2009. I don’t think I wanted to acknowledge the decline. I also didn’t want to see doctors because after having lived with more than one and socializing with many I didn’t have an extensive amount of trust in what I would be given, but moreso I was really afraid something was wrong and if there was bad news I didn’t want it.

My immune system went insane. I started having hyper reactions to things I was previously allergic to, ‘can’t breathe’ reactions that would knock me out for hours. I had tightness in my chest and secretly wondered if my heart was under stress. My skin developed weird patches and once after a fever I got a massive blotchy fever rash I had never had before. I was constantly fighting off sinus infections and chronic infections in my gums. My joints began to hurt and pop. When I got sick, I would get crazy bed ridden knocked-on-my-ass sick. Most disturbingly, a massive patch of hair on one side of my head completely fell out, with light general loss all over. I changed the way I wore my hair, didn’t tell anyone, and read about it incessantly. I figured my immune system was being overstimulated and attacking everything.

And then I moved. No more office buildings, no more air conditioning or heating, no more forced air circulation. My hair has grown back in the same pattern it fell out, just much quicker. My joints no longer hurt or pop, my sinuses no longer swell every couple of months, my skin has no real disturbances.

I had to get a chest xray for residency purposes and both the doctor and the specialist commented on a strange large shadow in my lungs – typical to someone who had severe childhood pneumonia or who suffers from moderate asthma. That shadow was not there four years ago, I have never had asthma and I was a healthy kid. Both agreed whatever it was, it is okay now.

I didn’t write much about it at the time because I didn’t want to confront it for what it might be. I didn’t even really tell people, including LG, until I arrived here. No one wants to be sick. It took a few months on arriving here for things to start to calm down, and the last six months feel normal. I realize in retrospect that avoiding all Doctors and basic screens was probably a bad choice, that I could have at least been given the advice and chosen to disregard it.

The other factors have resolved themselves in a similar way. Leaving work has slowly allowed me to adopt more open thought patterns, to avoid being constantly future oriented, and to socialize with normal people who behave in normal ways. I don’t really like writing about my relationship with LG because I am oddly superstitious, but it’s good and I did not foresee it being this way until it basically fell on top of me and refused to get off until I gave the mercy signal. I still love most aspects of being away from North American society, which is not some kind of secret self hating assertion, nor a judgment on people who like it there. Maybe the change is a mystery stew, maybe it’s just growing up, but I will take it.



Party Pants McGee
March 10, 2010, 3:48 am
Filed under: hypochondria

The whey allergy resulted in some heart pounding dizzyness today. It sucks the life out for a couple woozy hours and is a staid reminder to stop screwing around and admit defeat.

Tonight, glossy magazines and slurpee in bed instead of dishes and/or making up work and/or doing all the responsible things that seem like a drag but would probably make life easier, smoother, happier. Personal assistants, please apply.



Being an Allergy Detective
February 3, 2010, 3:42 am
Filed under: hypochondria, unrelated thoughts

Because I can’t leave it alone, I tested to be sure I’m not allergic to standard cheddar cheese tonight. No swelling. My heart beat fast but this may have been in slight fear given that I’m experimenting on myself unsupervised. And, to be honest, the reaction sucks and leaves me pass out exhausted.

Obsessive searching followed.

What’s the difference between most cheese and milk or cream? Whey. I’m allergic to whey. Things start to add up. Cottage cheese has always been one of the worst along with other soft cheese, like cream cheese or ricotta. Both of these are cheese products where the whey is still present.

When you make butter or cheese, the whey separates (eating her curds and whey…). It also denatures at high temperatures, which would explain why I don’t seem to have a problem eating things made where cream is baked or cooked for awhile, or even properly heated in hot coffee. The latte that first started the problem was lukewarm, the alfredo sauce I tested my theory with was raw, and the dessert I had at the dinner was likely full of raw cream.

Whey is a pain because it’s a cheap additive used in a lot of food processing for sweetness (so says wikipedia), but at least it gets taken out of some of my favorite foods and can be decreased through normal cooking.

There’s also some indication that if I just stop sensitizing the problem for a few months it might more or less resolve itself. There are also desensitization therapies being tested. True or false will have to be confirmed by an allergist, but it’s better than a worst case bubble girl scenario.

I think. To be continued.

*
In other banal purely localized news, my kitchen sink spontaenously unplugged today and runs better than ever after more than two weeks of virtually nothing happening. I have no idea. Before L.G. left he ripped my pipes apart and put them back together again (apparently this was part of his practicum, he also fixed something spontaenously when we were visiting my friend over the holidays. I thought I was a feminist until someone cleaned my pipes. That joke will get me blacklisted.)

I resorted to some special kitchen draino capsules, taking the environment down with me in frustration, and they only seemed to liquidize the black goo L.G. had dug out from the depths of my pipes, blocking everything completely. The 1mm stream I’d negotiated wouldn’t go. I poured half a pot of black coffee down, which was coming out the top of the drain when I left it, and told my landlord to call the plumber. Today I came home from work and out of nowhere it runs faster than ever.

It is a Tuesday miracle.

*

I asked for new assignments and now work is humming. I prefer it interesting and busy to dull and dragging. But do not feel like doing this tonight, no not at all… perhaps a little bribery.